Danny's Football Bluff

November 4, 2013

November 4th, 2013

Filed under: Weekly Wraps — Tags: , , , , — dannymcginlay @ 1:21 pm

You know today is unofficially a public holiday here in Melbourne. But here I am, churning out a football blog for you, because I am a good sort. Also the wife has gone to work so it’s either this or I do housework, and because I’m going to Victory v Wellington tonight I’d probably open a beer whilst I did the housework and before you know it I’m trying to gaffer the vacuum cleaner to my back so I can be a Ghostbuster.

This week the A-League revealed very little surprises. It seems that this season if you support the smaller team in a big city, it’s not going to be fun. Both Melbourne Heart and Sydney FC had poor results over the weekend, but intriguingly have different reactions. Whilst the Sky Blues of the Harbor City are baying for manager Frank Farina to be sacked, Heart remain confident that John Aloisi is the right dreamboat for the job. A spokesman for the Heart fanbase was quoted as saying “He’s got a great eye for tactics… and another gorgeous hazel eye for fashion… sorry what was the question?”

In England though, it’s good to be from the big town! London teams make up three of the top four spots with Arsenal sitting five points clear! Exciting times to be a Gooner! This is the first time since 2005 that the Gunners have started a season so strongly. At least back then we didn’t have to see all their gloating on facebook & twitter. I don’t remember their being this much smugness on livejournal back then.

History was made in Wales overnight. Cardiff played Swansea in the first ever top flight Welsh derby. It was a fiery affair but Steven Caulker’s 62nd minute header was enough to give Cardiff a 1-0 win. I am however disgusted with the British media for the distinct lack of pun headlines when covering this match. So here is my list of wasted opportunity headlines.
5. Wale of a Derby
4. Swansea’s Leek-y defence!
3. Caulker of a header!
2. Cardiff’s Rarebit o’ magic!
1. Derby Victory on the Card-iff
That took all of three minutes & forty three seconds, and I’m not even an employee of News Ltd. It’s just such a waste.

Here’s goal of the week.

December 7, 2012

The last six months…

Hi everyone, I’m back from my honeymoon. It was great, thanks. Football related highlights were: Watching Celtic defeat Barcelona in a meth lab posing as an Irish Club in Cambridge; visiting the San Siro and watching Inter Milan completely outclass their opponents and still draw 2-2, and watching my beloved Celtic live at Paradise. [Never mind it was a dull 1-1 draw with St Johnstone]

So here’s what happened in the last six months – not in order.

Spain won Euro 2012. You probably knew that, if you didn’t then some of the following jokes aren’t going to make sense as they require a basic knowledge of football. You may have just forgotten it, which is understandable, as Spain can be quite dull sometimes.

Chelsea’s Champions League winning manager Robert DeMatteo was sacked for daring to lose two matches.
He was replaced by former Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez, who if it wasn’t for Nick Clegg would be the most hated man in Britain.

Fernando Torres remained rubbish
as did Andy Carroll

Melbourne Victory gained super manager Ange Postecoglou but lost Harry Kewell who went on to play for… as yet nobody.

Brighton & Hove Albion were voted Britain’s poshest fans! The Championship side immediately rubbished the notion, according to their butlers.

Liverpool poached Brendan Rogers from Swansea City, proving that the Reds can ruin even the most promising of Managers.

Rangers FC were liquidated and a new team has replaced them in the Scottish league 3rd division, creatively named “The Rangers”

Robin Van Persie left Arsenal for Manchester United. Arsenal owner Stan Kroenke was devastated at the loss and wouldn’t talk to reporters until after he had gone for a swim in his Scrooge McDuck style money-pool.

Alexandro Del Piero joined Sydney FC and has bravely led them to the bottom of the table. [However this is huge news in Italy, when I was at San Siro the knock off shops all had Sydney FC shirts!]

Emile Heskey, a constant underachiever in his native England, joined Newcastle Jets and promptly began scoring tons of goals, proving once and for all the the quality of the A-League coaching is obviously higher than the Premier League. I’m kidding of course, it’s a tribute to mining magnate and Jets’ owner Nathan Tinkler who looked at Heskey and saw something valuable whereas everyone else saw a pile of inert materials.

and that’s all you need to know, I’ll be back Monday with an update on the weekend’s football news written hastily from Melbourne Airport departure lounge. [Doing gigs in Brisbane next week dannymcginlay.com for details!]

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