Danny's Football Bluff

May 13, 2013

May 13th, 2013

On Saturday night the FA Cup proved to be magical with underdogs Wigan Athletic upsetting the moneybags of Manchester City 1-0 to claim the trophy. It was dramatic to the end with Ben Watson heading home the winner in injury time. It’s the first time in its 81 year history that Wigan has won some major silverware, not counting the World Pie Eating Contest. ***

You probably already heard but Sir Alex Ferguson has retired as the manager of Manchester United. Fergie won 13 league titles with the Red Devils and the Champions League twice. United have replaced the wee angry Scotsman who never smiles with David Moyes, who is a wee angry Scotsman who never smiles. Apparently after Moyes finishes his time managing the club the next in line is Groundskeeper Willie.
The media have talked about Sir Alex’s achievements but the reason for his retirement is pretty obvious, he was clearly petrified of taking on Ange Postecoglou and the A-League All Stars in July. Understandable.

Staying in England and the Championship play-offs have begun – those vying for a spot in the Premier League next year are Brighton, Crystal Palace, Watford and Leicester. Well Leicester was in the running, but not anymore. They cocked it up royally! In one of the most dramatic ends to a match in recent history, Leicester had a penalty awarded to them in injury time, but it was saved. Watford then ran the ball up the other end and scored the actual winner, all within 20 seconds. Brighton and Crystal Palace play off tomorrow morning Australian time – can they match the drama? Not likely, the first leg ended as a 0-0 snorefest.
***[Not a cheap joke, factually correct, seriously, google it.]

No matter how bad you’re day is going, take a moment to be grateful that you are not this Slovenian goalkeeper –

January 21, 2013

21st January, 2013

In a battle of the big clubs with managers that their fans don’t like – Chelsea defeated Arsenal in London overnight. Arsene Wenger has blamed his side’s poor performances on his players breaking the little rules of their code of conduct. For example not turning up to meetings on time, reading newspapers in the dressing rooms and wearing incorrect shoes to training. Most pundits would also argue that defending like idiots and not shooting straight may have been a contributing factor.

At White Hart Lane, Sir Alex Ferguson had a much more traditional excuse for Manchester Utd not beating Tottenham – blaming the linesman. Former Arsenal striker Robin Van Persie put the Red Devils ahead in the 25th minute which pissed off the Spurs fan no end. The Tottenham faithful were the angriest folk on Earth, which only prompted the ever competitive Fergie to turn on his perma-rage and prove that no one can match him when it comes to fury. He berated every player, every official and even the weather as the snow came down, although United were still leading. Thankfully Tottenham scored in the dying minutes and Sir Alex was once again crowned the angry, wicked king of Narnia.

Sydney FC may have started a late season surge towards the finals by demolishing Wellington Phoenix 7-1 at ANZ stadium. Alessandro Del Piero scored four goals and set up most of the others. The New Zealand press has claimed that Phoenix’s match was the worst performance by a New Zealander since Russell Crowe in Les Miserables.

Exciting news for young Socceroo Tom Rogic who has signed with Celtic. Of course esteemed pundit Craig Foster has claimed moving to the rather scrappy Scottish Premier League is a mistake. He is right, as he always is – Tim Cahill made the same mistake when he played for Millwall, Mark Schwarzer too when he played for Dynamo Dresden, and don’t get me started on Harry Kewell going to Leeds United. All those talents have been wasted and I believe all three are now at Centrelink looking to score heroin.

The most exciting young manager of the moment has finally chosen a club, Pep Guardiola will coach Bayern Munich from next season. The former Barcelona magician was courted by everyone from the Brazilian National Team to the mega rich Manchester City, whose next manager remains a mystery. A source has said – “it really could be anyone, obviously except obviously Mehmet Durakovic.

Miss of the week: [Even Ronaldo misses sitters!]

January 30, 2012

Jnuary 30th, 2012

It was a Cup weekend in Britain. The Scottish League Cup semi finals were played at Hampden Park, Kilmarnock and Celtic triumphed and will meet in the final on March 18th. South of the border and there were many big matches, none bigger than Liverpool v Manchester United. Newspapers previewed this match as a battle between two legendary Scottish managers, and there’s no doubting the pedigree of Kenny Dalglish and Sir Alex Ferguson. But this blogger believes Fergie may be losing his touch. Not only did Liverpool win 2-1, but when Park Ji-Sung equalised just before half time, the United manager clearly asked his assistant “Who scored?”. Whether he meant which player or which team is unclear.

He may be replaced as early as next season if Jose Mourinho gets his way, sources say he is tired of Real Madrid and wants to return to England. This is odd in a footballing way as Real are seven points clear of rivals Barcelona and on target to win their first La Liga championship in three years. It’s also odd in a lifestyle sort of way as he wants to leave this:

For this:

manchesterchavspollard

Despite victory over the Red Devils, a dark cloud hung over Anfield Stadium on Saturday as the Liverpool fans booed Patrice Evra. This is in response to the suspension of Luis Suarez, who was suspended for racially abusing Evra in their last encounter. Chelsea fans gave the exact same treatment to QPR’s Anton Ferdinand who was vilified by John Terry in October. I have searched far and wide for some sort of humorous twist on fans booing a victim of racial abuse but I can’t find one. It’s just reprehensible behaviour and embarrassing for the sport.

Adelaide United were roundly thumped by Perth Glory at Hindmarsh Stadium yesterday, although the result could have been better is Bruce Djite hadn’t missed three absolute golden opportunities in the first half. To commiserate with the Adelaide supporters who read Danny’s Football Bluff – at least they weren’t as bad as this miss from the Turkish league over the weekend.

The African Cup of Nations knock out round is shaping up with Zambia, Equatorial Guinea, Ivory Coast, Gabon and Tunisia all qualified. Morocco was sadly knocked out, never really having topped their result of making the 1998 France World Cup, but as they say in Casablanca “We’ll always have Paris”.

Goal of the Week from the Cypriot league

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November 6, 2011

Monday 7th November

A League – Melbourne Victory had two men sent off in the first half hour in their epic clash with Brisbane Roar, including their fill-in keeper Ante Covic, meaning the home side had to use their third choice keeper Lawrence Thomas, who up until that moment most fans had assumed was a visiting Dandenong High School student on work experience. With two extra players on the pitch, Brisbane dominated possession but were polite enough to keep actual shooting to a minimum. The match ended 2-2, Thomas earning his daily $5 paycheck

EPL – Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson celebrated 25 years in charge of the Red Devils on Saturday with a 1-0 win over Sunderland. Before the match, in a suprise to Ferguson, it was revealed that the North Stand at Old Trafford has been renamed the Sir Alex Ferguson stand. Fergie was clearly overwhelmed by the adulation, and stopped chewing gum for a record three seconds.

Champions League – With Barcelona, AC Milan and Real Madrid already qualified for the next round and Chelsea, Arsenal and Manchester United not far behind them, the Champions League is taking on a very predictable shape this year, with the exception of Group G where recent Europa winners Porto and Zenit St Petersburg are being led by Cypriot minnow Apoel FC.  This is a team whose most recent silverware was winning the 2010 Cypriot Supercup, which sounds logical until you realise that the Cypriot Supercup is actually a basketball competition.

Iran – Two footballers may face 74 lashes each after one’s  hand touched the other’s arse during goal celebrations. The two Persepolis FC players are accused of “Violating Public Chastity”. Adelaide United fans have petitioned heavily for Kevin Muscat to be  drafted to the Tehran side.

English Championship – Roy Keane is replacing Sven-Goran Erikkson the manager of Leicester City continuing the club’s heroic policy of signing managers who have not tasted any success in over a decade, Goran-Erikkson narrowly beat out Kim Beazley and the cast of The Renovators.

Goal of the Week –

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