Danny's Football Bluff

April 2, 2013

April 2nd 2013

It’s been a long Easter Weekend. With all the family commitments, chocolate consuming and Melbourne International Comedy Festival tickets you’ve been booking [hint] you probably missed a fair chunk of all the football news that happened. Good thing I’m here.

Firstly, you will have heard that the Socceroos played out a draw against Oman in Sydney. This has the tabloids screaming blue murder that Australia might not reach the World Cup Finals in Brazil. Everyone take a deep breath… and flick yourself in the eyeball for listening to the tabloids. We’re fine, we have three matches to play, and we are favourites to win in two of them. The other teams in our group only have two matches left so we’re pretty safe. If you want to panic about something just consider that Tony Abbott is very likely going to be Prime Minister. Although you’re the one who reads the tabloids, so you probably think this is a good thing.

Western Sydney Wanderers took out the ‘Premiers Plate’ in their first season. This means that they finished the regular season on top of the ladder; this is a big deal because in every other major football league in the world [except USA] this means you are the champions! However we, like the Yanks enjoy big sudden-death events so we have a finals series. Purists may complain that it’s against tradition, but without the finals series we would never have the great Aussie tradition of the Central Coast Mariners choking!

Chelsea knocked Manchester United out of the FA Cup last night with a mind blowing performance by goalkeeper Petr Cech. Demba Ba put the London club in the lead pretty much by accident early in the second half *see goal of the week. Which means Ba should be starting for Chelsea when they take on Sunderland this Sunday. Could get awkward. Why?
Sunderland have just hired Paolo Di Canio as their manager. Paolo Di Canio is an Italian manager who is a self proclaimed Fascist. He has a tattoo of Benito Mussolini on his arm, and once gave the Nazi salute to his fans when he was playing for right-wing club Lazio. Already several Sunderland board members have stepped down because of the decision. The UK press have attacked DiCanio who went on to say the immortal line “I’m fascist, not racist, some of my best friends are black”. Di Canio is due to appear on The Bolt Report this Sunday.

Time for this week’s WHY YOU SHOULD SUPPORT this week’s comes from UK comedian Gordon Southern currently down under for the Comedy Festival season
WHY YOU SHOULD SUPPORT… LIVERPOOL
Liverpool is the best club in the world because I decided it was in 1977. I had just seen the European Cup with cheeky little Kevin Keegan and stern Kenny Daglish as I became ‘football aware” I had briefly flirted with the idea of supporting Manchester United as many of my school friends did (or West Ham our local team, but that didn’t seem exotic enough. I also liked Aston Villa for a while but that’s because I liked vanilla ice cream and had the two mixed up in my head.
I was not making clear, mature footballing decisions…Then Kenny Daglish came to our small own to be the celebrity at the opening of our new Asda superstore. He signed my Liverpool lampshade but also a Star Wars one that he didn’t have to sign as it was not Liverpool merchandise. That sealed the deal. That and their utter dominance of football for what seemed like forever
They’re a bit rubbish at the moment, and hard to love as their superstars tend to be dicks (Craig Bellamy, Luis Suarez…) but now my love is blind and unwavering. Not unconditional mind, this is a football team, not a dog or a child.

Gordon Southern is appearing at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Tix here – http://www.ticketmaster.com.au/search?tm_link=tm_homeA_header_search&user_input=Gordon+Southern+&q=Gordon+Southern+&search.x=85&search.y=20

And hey there’s my show happening too!
http://giggletix.com/MICF/danny-mcginlay-hypertonic.html

Goal of the Week

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March 25, 2013

March 25th, 2013

In the A-League it’s all boiling down to the final week to see who will be in the finals. At time of writing Western Sydney Wanderers, Central Coast Mariners, Melbourne Victory and Adelaide United are all locked into the top four spots, but the final two spots could go to Brisbane, Sydney, Perth or Newcastle. The big question remains – with AFL starting next week will the A-League get any media coverage? People are doubtful but if the FFA goes with my idea of a releasing an Emu in a woollen hat mid match, we may get on Sports Tonight’s play of the day.

All week World Cup Qualifiers have been played out all over the globe. Australia play traditional rivals Oman tomorrow night in Sydney of course, but what about the results you may have missed?
The most emotionally charged match of the weekend was definitely Croatia v Serbia, the first match between the two nations since the Balkan War. Flares were lit, fans clashed, arrests were made, all impressive considering no away fans were allowed into the ground. Serbia have promised the return leg will be just as firey. With all the emotion no one really noticed that Croatia won 2-0.

The emotions were just as intense at the clash of Azerbaijan v Luxembourg. Although this was not due to past political tensions but the results of the 2011 Eurovision song Contest. The post match dance off ended with five people being arrested for jazz hands related crimes.

Colombia smashed Bolivia 5-0. Which made the drug lords happy, then on edge, then tired, then angry, then horny, then listless, then STOP LOOKING AT ME!

In both footballing and financial bailout terms, Cyprus and Switzerland played out a 0-0 draw.

New Zealand saw off a plucky New Caledonia which ended with Shane Smeltz getting kicked in the face. Melbourne Victory’s assistant coach Kevin Muscat called it “The greatest moment in football history”

Paraguay and Uruguay played out an entertaining 1-1 draw to a sell out crowd, who by all accounts had a Guay Old Time! [I’m really sorry…I’ll stop now]

Goal of the Week –

March 12, 2012

March 12th 2012

For the first time in almost five months, Manchester City is not on top of the English Premier League. The blue half of Manchester is very much in panic stations as the familiar story of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory seems to be playing out. Their cross town rivals United are more than happy to play the role of pantomime villain and take the top spot. In footballing terms City fans are right to panic, the team are lacking fluency and seem out of sorts; however the Sky Blue fans can take solace in the fact that they are playing to perfection the role of the Mighty Ducks. It’s the classic tale – Multi Millionaire Arab Sheik collects ragtag group of misfit top-rated footballers. At first they don’t get along but then things finally begin to gel… things go bad before the end of the season to set up a plucky heart warming victory at the end. Trust me City fans, it’ll all be okay when Carlos Tevez and Mario Ballotelli learn the true meaning of friendship…

Unless of course the rumours that City are about to snatch Robin Van Persie from Arsenal are true. Then the overly rich bastards can keep losing, serves them right. Stop trying to buy trophies and try and bring a positive culture to the club.

On a less ranty note – for the first time ever in European club competition it seems there will be no English teams in the Quarter Finals of the Champions League or Europa League. Chelsea are England’s last hope but they trail Napoli 3-1 going into the second leg. Danny’s Football Bluff favourites Apoel from Cyprus continued their fairytale run by defeating French giants Lyon. They have joined Barcelona, Benfica and AC Milan. For those unfamiliar with Apoel their last trophy was the 2010 Cypriot Supercup – a basketball trophy.

Closer to home and the Socceroos’ road to Brazil was revealed as the final round of World Cup Qualifiers was announced on Friday night. Our lads will play Oman, Japan, Jordan and Iraq. Australia is the favourite to progress to the finals, however we might not be guaranteed of that until June 2013. In the meantime we have friendlies lined up against Denmark for the Frederick-Mary Cup and Scotland for the Liver Cirrhosis Shield.

Yesterday I watched Brisbane Roar play Adelaide United with a friend from England who had not watched A-league. After reassuring him that the Australian competition was not as bad as he imagined, we were then treated to the most inept finishing in the history of sport. A team of blind amputee donkeys would have had better finishing. Even after they’d been shot.

To distract from this horror show – here is proof that other competitions have shockers too:

Goal of the Week – [Forgive the music]

November 14, 2011

November 14th, 2011

Filed under: Weekly Wraps — Tags: , , , , , , , , , — dannymcginlay @ 2:58 pm

Australia suffered a major setback on the road to the 2014 World Cup in Brazil, with a shock 1-0 defeat to Oman. The only thing more embarrassing for Australia’s football community was the pathetic effort by the nation’s sub-editors, not one major paper ran the headline O-MAN WE LOST! Tuesday presents a chance for redemption when the Socceroos take on Thailand, with fans expecting a “Thai-tanic Victory”.

In Europe the places for the 2012 Euro are close to being filled. Denmark, England, France, Germany, Greece, Italy, Netherlands, Poland, Russia, Spain, Sweden and Ukraine having already qualified, with Ireland, Croatia, Portugal and the Czech Republic looking most likely to make up the remaining spots. For the record the teams that have come dead last are Andorra and San Marino, or if you want to know which real country came last it was Malta. Stick that in your falcons!*

Reigning European and World Champions Spain were defeated by England in a friendly match at Wembley on Saturday night. Frank Lampard scored the winning goal with his face in the 49th minute. The English press have gone into meltdown, declaring that England are now favourites to win Euro 2012, the World Cup in 2014 and the next five Gold Logies.

In the A-League, the majority of clubs have suffered disappointing seasons so far. Adelaide, Perth, both Melbourne teams… pretty much everyone except Brisbane have frustrated their fans so far, leading to much bemoaning of the quality of the A-League. For a bit of perspective, please enjoy this comedy of errors from the Romanian league.

And at least our players are not as stupid as this – Aberdeen’s Darren Mackie was selected as a “Reading Champion” by a local school, only to admit in his opening statement that he doesn’t read books…
http://www.meldrum-pri.aberdeenshire.sch.uk/page47.html

Thanks to Stobes from Adelaide United’s red Army for the find. By the way he’s in a band called ‘Aaagh Cobras!’ their website is here:
http://www.reverbnation.com/aaaghcobras

Goal of the week – Kenny Miller

*Danny apologizes to any Maltese people offended by this comment and promises to donate money to a Maltese charity. Or buy a packet of Maltesers.

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