Danny's Football Bluff

January 29, 2013

January 29th 2012

The FA Cup showed us why it’s one of the most fun competitions in the round ball game with some giant killing moments over the weekend. Oldham Athletic knocked Liverpool out of the competition with a 3-2 victory. Other results that surprised the world were Leeds United defeating Tottenham 2-1, Brentford holding Chelsea to a 2-2 draw, Luton upsetting Norwich 1-0 and MK Dons beating QPR 4-2. The most embarrassing of these is Liverpool’s loss, as Oldham are hovering only four points above relegation in the 4th tier of English football and, despite the win, are about to sack their manager.

On the weekend the traditional Australia Day Big Blue between Melbourne Victory and Sydney FC ended in a 3-1 win for the Victorians. Before kick off 54 people became Australian citizens and they were witness to some very fair dinkum Aussie mateship as Seb Ryall helped out his opponents by knocking the ball into his own net in the 23rd minute. Allegedly many European scouts were in the stands to watch Marco Rojas, who dominated the match. Sadly for Rojas one of the scouts watching turned out to be from Liverpool so winning the match means he’s just “not right” for the Reds at the moment.

Straight after the Big Blue was the Little Red between Western Sydney Wanderers and Melbourne Heart, the Wanderers taking the honours 1-0. The good news for Heart was that Socceroo Vince Grella finally made his debut for the club, the bad news was that he retired from top level football yesterday.

Adelaide United is looking for a new coach after the shock exit of John Kosmina yesterday citing a “lack of trust within the club environment”. Rumours abound that Kosmina will take over as manager of Brisbane Roar next year, which is like abandoning the Titanic by escaping on the Hindenburg.

In Spain, Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo both dominated for Barca and Real Madrid respectively. Seriously what’s the point of reporting on Spanish Football? Can we just assume that I type that exact sentence every week? I’ll let you know if it ever doesn’t happen.

Goal of the Week

January 9, 2012

January 9th, 2012

The Football Bluff returns for 2012. The Christmas/New Year period offered up a plethora of stories, but here are the ones people will be talking about this week:

Melbourne Victory unveiled their new manager, Jim Magilton. Magilton’s last management position, at Queen’s Park Rangers, ended when the Northern Irishman allegedly headbutted one of his players during a halftime ‘chat’. Needless to say, Kevin Muscat has hailed the new manager as one of the true idealists of football.

Magilton’s first match will be against John Kosmina’s Adelaide United. Victoria Police have employed over a hundred more officers to keep the two management teams separate.

The weekend’s English football had a certain sense of déjà vu about it. Thierry Henry returned to Arsenal, Paul Scholes returned to Manchester United, and Manchester City returned to choking in derbies. The much touted clash between the two Manchester sides ended before half time with United dominating, although City captain Vincent Kompany suffered the harshest straight red card since Kewell against Ghana. Kompany tackled Nani, collecting the ball, however he used both feet which is technically illegal (to misquote the head Bureaucrat from Futurama, “The best kind of illegal”) and City paid the price.

It’s been a good month for Sunderland. Ever since new manager Martin O’Neill took the reins the Black Cats have only lost one match and claimed the scalp of Manchester City. It’s been so good that some fans are getting a bit handsy…

It’s been a bad month for Liverpool, dropping points against cellar dwellers Wigan and Blackburn, Stewart Downing being questioned by police over an assault and star player Luis Suarez being banned for eight matches for racially abusing Patrice Evra. Suarez claimed that ‘negro’ is not used derogatorily in Spanish. However, he could not explain the Nazi salute and burning cross he erected.

It seems David Beckham is staying in Los Angeles for another season. Beckham was expected to leave LA for French side PSG but the deal was halted when Beckham realised he’d have to memorise another letter.

Goal of the week [You’ve probably seen it, but it’s worth another look]

December 19, 2011

December 19th 2011

Adelaide United has replaced beleaguered coach Rini Coolen with their prodigal son John Kosmina. Club chairman Greg Griffin said Kosmina was perfect for the job as he is a “passionate South Australian”. The Reds will now presumably begin a new training regime in keeping with this ‘passionate South Australian’ campaign; running laps of the Veale Gardens, only drinking Farmer’s Union Iced Coffees and most importantly, not doing anything for eleven months of the year.

The round of sixteen draw for the UEFA Champions League happened on Friday. The most exciting encounter is easily AC Milan v Arsenal. Cypriot minnows Apoel Nicosia have been drawn against Lyon. The Europa round of thirty two has some exciting clashes as well with Manchester City taking on Porto and Manchester United meeting Ajax. However Salzburg v Metalist Kharkiv has failed to excite punters.

Manchester United may be reinstated to the Champions League due to a furore between UEFA and the Swiss FA. In a nutshell Swiss Club Sion illegally signed a player in 2009 which led to them having a transfer ban imposed on them which they dutifully ignored. This has escalated to the point where all Swiss clubs may be expelled from European competition, meaning FC Basel would forfeit their position in the last sixteen of the champion’s league, Basel’s spot could be taken by the next best team in their group, Manchester United. Confused? Fair enough, but are you interested enough to do more research? Yep, didn’t think so. Carry on.

Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli has allegedly has driven around Manchester dressed as Santa giving people twenty pound notes. Other rumours about the Italian star have included that he’s punched teammate Micah Richards at training, threw a dart at another teammate, is allergic to grass, set off fireworks in his toilet, paid 1000 pounds for a copy of the big issue and cannot sexually climax without yodelling. [I’ve made one of those up, you decide which one]

Brisbane Roar have lost their fourth match on the trot, confirming this blog’s theory that their unbeaten run was made with the aid of a soul-selling deal with Satan. The dark prince is now claiming his due and we expect Ange Postecoglou to slowly morph into some kind of donkey like creature over the rest of the season.

Goal of the week [51 seconds in]

Save of the week

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