Danny's Football Bluff

September 16, 2013

Filed under: Weekly Wraps — Tags: , , , , , , , , — dannymcginlay @ 10:47 am

This weekend in the English Premier League all eyes were on the Arsenal debut of Mesut Ozil. Some crueller pundits have suggested that Arsene Wenger’s reason for signing the German was that Ozil is the only person on earth with bigger eyes than Wenger. Even if this was the case those big eyes worked a dream, setting up Arsenal’s first goal with a brilliant through pass to Oliver Giroud that mere mortals with regular sized peepers would never have seen. The Gunners defeated Sunderland 3-1, although it is worth reminding you that Sunderland are managed by batshit mental Paolo DiCanio, who claimed the referees helped Arsenal to victory but it won’t happen next time as he has his tin foil hat at the ready.

South a bit and Gareth Bale made his long awaited Real Madrid debut and scored an impressive goal, however Real are still slowly working Bale into the Galactico way of football and made sure he still felt like he was at Tottenham by conceding a late equaliser.

Over at Barcelona, they are just scrambling to prove how much they are the good guys of football, when it was revealed Brazilian left-back Dani Alves offered to donate his liver to teammate Eric Abidal. Mark Bosnich immediately contacted Alves to ask if his hair was on offer but has not heard back as yet.

Millwall. You heard of them? They are the team in England with the most violent, bigoted, clichéd fans. They were the villains in Green Street Hooligans. Things have got so bad they’ve signed Scott McDonald as a striker [booo!! Cheap gag McGinlay!! Boooo!!]. Anyway – one of their fans ran onto the pitch on Saturday as they lost 5-1 to Derby County, shoved the rival coach and the ran back into the stands. It was an impressive piece of efficient hooliganism.

But who won on the weekend? Nobody exciting, there was a lot of 0-0 draws. Everton upset Chelsea but that’s really all worth mentioning. See you next week.

Goal of the week – sure it’s from an indoor match but it’s pretty sweet!

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August 27, 2013

August 27th, 2013

Filed under: Weekly Wraps — Tags: , , , , , — dannymcginlay @ 11:20 am

There was no Football Bluff yesterday as it was my birthday and I had a hangover that would have made even Mark Bosnich’s hair hide under the doona.

So I guess you probably know the results and what not from the weekend, Arsenal finally won a match, Manchester City were beaten by Cardiff, West Ham & Newcastle bored everyone to death.

So the only really big story I can report is Manchester City are wanting to buy the Western Sydney Wanderers. Right now the A-League newbies are owned by the FFA, who are positively salivating at the concept of the English side owning the Wanderers. Their asking price is about $15m, which is how much Manchester City spends on player’s wages in a fortnight. So unless there’s a sudden price rise in Ivory Backscratchers, it looks like the deal could definitely happen.

Transfer Updates- Gareth Bale will sign with Real Madrid this week, in a transfer deal that has lasted longer than the Essendon drugs saga. Dario Vidosic has gone from Adelaide United to Swiss club Sion and Wayne Rooney is still playing for Manchester United against his will.

There’s some big matches this weekend – Liverpool v Manchester United, Arsenal v Tottenham and of course the big clash in Scottish 2nd division between Cowdenbeath v Dumbarton.
Only five weeks til the A-League!

Goal of the week –

August 14, 2013

Season 2013/14 Preview!

Hi folks, welcome to my blog. It’s about football and it’s aimed at people who don’t care that much about football but want to stay informed. The good folk at The Project have published my season preview, but in case you missed it, here it is below:

Enjoy!

On Sunday the English Premier League and many other European Football Leagues kick off for the year, and the A-League season is just under six weeks away. So you know what that means – that guy in your workplace who is OBSESSED with the round ball game is going to start boring you to death with opinions and facts about it all.

I know that guy, because I am that guy. I am, however, much more self-aware than most of the other ‘that guys’ and I know most of Australia does not share my passion, so I am using my powers for good. I know you don’t mind soccer, {see I even call it soccer, I am aware that other codes use the name football, so to avoid confusion, I call it soccer, already I’m less of a dick} and with the World Cup in less than a year you probably want to bone up on your knowledge a bit, but who has the time? I do!

So this is my guide to surviving a conversation with that soccer nut and knowing more than your friends in preparation for the World Cup. These easy opinions and fun facts on the upcoming football season will you have sounding like a true fan, but with minimal effort.

The English Premier League.

What big things happened in the off season?
1. Manchester United have their first new manager in 27 years! They replaced the angry Scotsman Sir Alex Ferguson with a slightly more googly eyed angry Scotsman, David Moyes.

2. Jose Mourinho returned to manage Chelsea. Mourinho is football world’s Bond Villain. He’s maniacal, egotistical, not afraid to ruin matches with dull defensive tactics, but at the same time so ridiculously charming. I would have loved to have seen him at Man United, in the same way I would love to see a real bull in a real china shop.

3. Arsenal promised their fans they would bring in some big name players during the off season, but haven’t. Unless you count Yaya Sanogo as a big name**.

**You don’t.

Three handy phrases
A] “With all the new managers it’ll be the closest season in years.”
B] “I can’t wait for the first Manchester derby! Or the first North London derby! They’ll be fascinating!”
C] “If Rooney moves to Chelsea, it’s game on!”

Don’t say – “I’ll be interested to see what hairstyle David Beckham plays with this year.”

My prediction – Chelsea to win the league, but only just.

The A-League

What big things happened in the off season?
1. Central Coast Mariners won the grand final, and since then have lost five members of that team. It’s well known the Mariners are in financial trouble, but that hasn’t stopped the fans flocking to see the winning trophy proudly on display at Gosford Cash Converters.

2. Harry Kewell returns to the A-League! But not for his old team Melbourne Victory, for their rivals Melbourne Heart! This has enraged the Victory support, but brought no end of joy to all the Heart fans, both of them.

3. SBS managed to claim the right to broadcast one match a round on free-to-air. This will be a ratings bonanza for the network, especially if they get all matches commentated by Julia Zemiro and Sam Pang.

Three handy phrases
A] “It’ll be great for football if the Western Sydney Wanderers can repeat their amazing season.”
B] “Adelaide’s new Spanish manager seems exciting, but can he adapt to the more physical A league?”
C] “With the salary cap in place, you never can predict A League matches let alone seasons.”

Don’t Say – “Did you know A League is about 4.8 kilometres?”

My prediction – Melbourne Victory to win the league.

The rest of Europe

1. Bayern Munich won the Champions League last year and now have signed Pip Guardiola, widely regarded as one of the best managers in the world. So they seem like an unstoppable German machine!
2. Barcelona signed the Brazilian wonderkid Neymar, widely regarded as the next Pele. Considering they still have Lionel Messi on their books, they seem like an unstoppable Spanish/Catalan machine!
3. Carlos Tevez transferred over to Juventus, widely regarded as one of the most corrupt teams on the planet. Considering a lot of these allegations have also included links to the mafia, this blogger thinks they are all wonderful gentlemen and wishes them all the best, as he fears their unstoppable Italian machine guns.

Three handy phrases:
A] “Gareth Bale could be brilliant at Real Madrid, provided they play him in the right position.”
B] “Paris Saint-Germaine are a team of champions, but nowhere near a champion team.”
C] “I hope the headlines coming out of Italy are about football for a change.”

Don’t say – “I thought European football was cancelled after Lance Armstrong was found to be a drug cheat?”

My prediction – Juventus to win the Champions League. I like my thumbs.

January 23, 2012

January 23rd, 2012

The Manchester clubs continued their dominance of the EPL. United saw off a hapless Arsenal who’s fans are turning on their fearless leader Arsene Wenger. Wenger admitted he made a “tactical error” by substituting Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain with Andrey Arsharvin in the 74th minute. Wenger justified his change by saying that Oxlade-Chamberlain was sick during the week, stopping just short of producing a note from Alex’s mother. Wenger’s excuses are almost as baffling as Robin Van Persie’s goal celebration where he produced a T shirt which seemed to wish Oprah Winfrey a happy 91st birthday.

 

Manchester City continued their home unbeaten run with a last minute penalty to snatch a 3-2 victory against Tottenham Hotspur. There were four goals in ten minutes, all of them brilliant in their own way: A Gareth Bale wondergoal, a Jermain Defoe suckerpunch, a pin point pass by David Silva to Samir Nasri, and Joleon Lescott even scored a try from a corner. As usual the talking point is Mario Ballotelli who attempted to squash Scott Parker’s nose with his heel. However, as he missed this is considered within the rules of the game.

Melbourne Victory continued their nightmare season with a 4-1 defeat by a dominant Perth Glory. New manager Jim Magilton said he was shocked and disappointed by the performance, he blamed a lack of confidence within players. This is contrary to popular belief that the form slump is due to a lack of any defensive talent.

Jim Magilton has been the subject of a major spat between broadcasters Craig Foster and Robbie Slater. Foster condemned the appointment of Magilton in his Sunday newspaper column, saying Australian soccer shouldn’t be reliant on Britons. Slater then accused Foster of racism. Both broadcasters seem to miss the fact that as Magilton is Northern Irish he is not British at all.
[Fact: Northern Ireland is part of the United Kingdom but not Britain, rather a touchy subject for some people, some of whom are blood relatives of this blogger]

Goal of the week – Miroslav Stoch of Fenerbache:

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