Danny's Football Bluff

May 20, 2013

20th May 2013

The English Premier League finished overnight, the final day big winners were Arsenal, who maintained their one point lead over Tottenham Hotspur to keep 4th spot and therefore a place in next year’s Champions League. Poor old Tottenham really are the Washington Generals to the Gunners, or is there something else at stake? Tottenham are the only team in the Premier League to not be awarded a penalty all season long, and were indeed denied seemingly obvious ones yesterday. Rumours that Arsenal’s winning goal was scored via a stepladder have remained unconfirmed.

David Beckham announced his retirement from all forms of Football during the week. Horribly it seems a career in commentating seems inevitable.

Although the Football season is winding up there’s still some interesting matchers to go this weekend – Sunday morning Australian time is the Champions League Final – Borussia Dortmund v Bayern Munich, Monday morning is both the Scottish Cup Final between Celtic and Hibernian, a classic Glasgow v Edinburgh clash, and also the Premier League playoff decider – who will be in the top tier next year? Watford v Crystal Palace. Watford’s most famous fan is Elton John, Palace’s is Eddie Izzard. All that is known is this will be the most fabulously dressed play off ever.

And apart from that….. it’s all a bit quiet…. Anything else? Anderlecht won the Belgiun league. Tim Cahill scored the winner for New York Red Bulls… yeah okay when I’m talking about American soccer thats my cue to leave it there. Oh look below – a great goal!
Goal of the Week –

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February 11, 2013

11th February 2013

Due to my best mate’s wedding last night and the arrival of a new baby into my family also last night there’s will be a very quick Football Bluff this week.

England – Man Utd still dominating, they will win the league
Australia – Central Coast Mariners still dominating, they should win the league
USA – With David Beckham gone, apathy back to dominating the league

Thomas Rogic played his first game for Celtic and played brilliantly. Although I’d had a few pints by that stage…

African Cup of Nations won by Nigeria [although I read that in an email so it may be a scam]

Lots of people bet on Adelaide United v Melbourne Victory but match doesn’t appear to be fixed, Victory were just genuinely rubbish.

I was on The B League last night – have a watch, it’s a brilliant show!

February 4, 2013

Feb 4th, 2013

The Melbourne Derby played out to an almost capacity crowd on Saturday night and the Victory once again took the honours. It was a battle of the goalkeepers and both Nathan Coe and Andrew Redmayne put on brilliant performances. The only negative of the match was the damage done to some seats at Docklands Stadium by the Heart “away” support. The AFL has demanded payment for the damage until they remembered that Docklands is home to the Western Bulldogs and no one was going to be using those seats anyway.

David Beckham has signed for Paris Saint-Germaine! What’s more he’s donating all of the money to a children’s charity. What a guy! Our David, who can barely afford to feed his twelve butlers, donating all his cash to needy French kids! Bugger me, what a bloke! I’m sure it’s absolutely nothing to do with the French income tax rate of 75% on people earning over 1 million euros. Not at all. It’s just that he’s a top notch fella.

There was a bit of embarrassment for Fulham on Saturday when their floodlights went out during their clash with Manchester United. Craven Cottage is a beautiful old stadium but it’s powered by badgers on treadmills under the pitch. The electrical fault was attributed to the badgers being frightened when they caught a glimpse of Wayne Rooney.

The floodlights going out was pretty much the only moment of darkness for United this weekend as their two greatest rivals, Liverpool and City played out a 2-2 which could cost both dearly in the course of their seasons. Steven Gerrard scored a cracking long range shot in the 72nd minute but then Sergio Aguero equalised with an absolute squeaker over the head of the out of position Liverpool goalkeeper. This renders the Premier League all but gone to Man Utd. So now we can focus on the bigger stories – who can take out the mid table honours? Stoke or West Ham? Tune in next week!!!

Clearly Cristiano Ronaldo can’t bear the thought of me not writing about him. Last week I claimed I would not report on the Spanish League as it was too repetitive. Well, Ronaldo has turned that around by scoring a winning own goal for Granada against Real Madrid. The match finished 1-0 and has shocked the Spanish football world. However I will not be bullied by players and I am now stating unequivocally that I will not be reporting on Ronaldo until he signs for Melbourne Victory.

Goal of the Week:

January 9, 2012

January 9th, 2012

The Football Bluff returns for 2012. The Christmas/New Year period offered up a plethora of stories, but here are the ones people will be talking about this week:

Melbourne Victory unveiled their new manager, Jim Magilton. Magilton’s last management position, at Queen’s Park Rangers, ended when the Northern Irishman allegedly headbutted one of his players during a halftime ‘chat’. Needless to say, Kevin Muscat has hailed the new manager as one of the true idealists of football.

Magilton’s first match will be against John Kosmina’s Adelaide United. Victoria Police have employed over a hundred more officers to keep the two management teams separate.

The weekend’s English football had a certain sense of déjà vu about it. Thierry Henry returned to Arsenal, Paul Scholes returned to Manchester United, and Manchester City returned to choking in derbies. The much touted clash between the two Manchester sides ended before half time with United dominating, although City captain Vincent Kompany suffered the harshest straight red card since Kewell against Ghana. Kompany tackled Nani, collecting the ball, however he used both feet which is technically illegal (to misquote the head Bureaucrat from Futurama, “The best kind of illegal”) and City paid the price.

It’s been a good month for Sunderland. Ever since new manager Martin O’Neill took the reins the Black Cats have only lost one match and claimed the scalp of Manchester City. It’s been so good that some fans are getting a bit handsy…

It’s been a bad month for Liverpool, dropping points against cellar dwellers Wigan and Blackburn, Stewart Downing being questioned by police over an assault and star player Luis Suarez being banned for eight matches for racially abusing Patrice Evra. Suarez claimed that ‘negro’ is not used derogatorily in Spanish. However, he could not explain the Nazi salute and burning cross he erected.

It seems David Beckham is staying in Los Angeles for another season. Beckham was expected to leave LA for French side PSG but the deal was halted when Beckham realised he’d have to memorise another letter.

Goal of the week [You’ve probably seen it, but it’s worth another look]

December 5, 2011

December 5th, 2011

The draw for the finals of Euro 2012 was revealed on Saturday morning Australian time. Inevitably the moniker “Group of Death” has been placed on Group C, with Current World & European Champions Spain, previous World Champions Italy, Croatia and Ireland. Group A has been dubbed the ‘easy’ group with Greece, Russia, Czech Republic and Poland. England fans are said to be very excited about going to Ukraine and rioting in towns they’ve not rioted in before

Any Australian wondering which team to support in Euro 2012 have a few options –
On a financial level the two countries that have invested the most in Australia are England [although that’s as part of the United Kingdom, it may be Wales doing most of the investing, I don’t care enough to properly research] and Netherlands.

Ethically, the corruptions perceptions list was released this week and the least corrupt country participating is Sweden. 2nd place is once again Netherlands.

For music lovers, Ireland should be the team of choice seeing as they have won the most Eurovision Song Contests. However this argument is null and void once you consider Brian McFadden.

On a purely superficial/objectifying level you can’t go past Ukraine. I’m not racist but… all Ukrainians are good looking. There I’ve said it. Complaints can be made in the comments section.

Back downunder and Sydney FC had the embarrassing task of playing their match against Brisbane Roar at a suburban rugby ground when the Sydney Football Stadium was booked for an Eminem concert. However this worked out in Sydney’s favour as they ended Brisbane’s unbeaten run with a 2-0 victory. The Sky Blues second goal was scored when Roar keeper Theoklitos forgot which sport he was playing and mistook a corner for a lineout. No really, look: [1.22 to go, apologies for not having a better link, if anyone has one let me know]
http://www.foxsports.com.au/football/a-league/sydney-fc-end-brisbane-roars-unbeaten-streak-with-comfortable-victory-at-win-jubilee-stadium/story-e6frf4gl-1226213551425

David Beckham’s LA Galaxy play a friendly against Melbourne Victory this Tuesday which has fans in a state of indifference. With tickets set at $50 minimum I predict this will be played in an empty stadium, giving Victory a taste of what it’s like for Melbourne Heart week in week out.

Rolling Stone Magazine has declared Real Madrid manager Jose Mourinho “Rockstar of the Year”. Can’t argue, his post match interviews are preferable to listening to Katy Perry.
Goal of the week

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