Danny's Football Bluff

September 2, 2013

September 2nd, 2013

The more things change, the more things stay the same…

When David Moyes was the long suffering Everton manager he could never beat his cross town rivals Liverpool at their home ground of Anfield. However now that he is in charge of Manchester United, surely this means he will be playing the role of the Washington Generals no more… Nope! The Scousers defeated the Red Devils 1-0 in a pretty big upset. Admittedly United were without Wayne Rooney who tragically suffered a gash in his cheek when accidentally kicked in the face at training. Rooney’s face is said to be horribly disfigured, but the injury has not been able to improve that at all.

If David Moyes is Liverpool’s Washington Generals, then Arsenal are Tottenham Hotspur’s Tony Abbott. The Gunners have spent no money over summer, have a thin playing list and there are grave doubts over their manager’s ability to control the team… The Spurs on the other hand have a great young manager, have spent big and smart and are really doing everything right in their quest for the Premier League title… and yet…. Arsenal swatted them aside as easily as you can say “Stop the Boats”

**NB it appears in that last article that I am saying Kevin Rudd is a great young manager… he’s not but this blogger would pick him over Abbott any day.

The Champions League group stage draw is out and for the first time in history there is a “Group of Champions” – four teams in the one group who have all won Europe’s greatest prize. Group H consists of Barcelona, AC Milan, Ajax and Celtic. With 16 Trophies together they will create a glorious feast for all football fans. My tip is Celtic will top the table. Easily. Shut up… you are.

What about the Aussies? I hear you ask, well yesterday I received a tweet from the FFA promising all the news of which Australian players did well for European clubs on the weekend… and all it told me was Mile Jedinak did okay for Crystal Palace. That’s it. World Cup 2022 could be a bad few weeks for us.

Goal of the Week!

May 20, 2013

20th May 2013

The English Premier League finished overnight, the final day big winners were Arsenal, who maintained their one point lead over Tottenham Hotspur to keep 4th spot and therefore a place in next year’s Champions League. Poor old Tottenham really are the Washington Generals to the Gunners, or is there something else at stake? Tottenham are the only team in the Premier League to not be awarded a penalty all season long, and were indeed denied seemingly obvious ones yesterday. Rumours that Arsenal’s winning goal was scored via a stepladder have remained unconfirmed.

David Beckham announced his retirement from all forms of Football during the week. Horribly it seems a career in commentating seems inevitable.

Although the Football season is winding up there’s still some interesting matchers to go this weekend – Sunday morning Australian time is the Champions League Final – Borussia Dortmund v Bayern Munich, Monday morning is both the Scottish Cup Final between Celtic and Hibernian, a classic Glasgow v Edinburgh clash, and also the Premier League playoff decider – who will be in the top tier next year? Watford v Crystal Palace. Watford’s most famous fan is Elton John, Palace’s is Eddie Izzard. All that is known is this will be the most fabulously dressed play off ever.

And apart from that….. it’s all a bit quiet…. Anything else? Anderlecht won the Belgiun league. Tim Cahill scored the winner for New York Red Bulls… yeah okay when I’m talking about American soccer thats my cue to leave it there. Oh look below – a great goal!
Goal of the Week –

May 13, 2013

May 13th, 2013

On Saturday night the FA Cup proved to be magical with underdogs Wigan Athletic upsetting the moneybags of Manchester City 1-0 to claim the trophy. It was dramatic to the end with Ben Watson heading home the winner in injury time. It’s the first time in its 81 year history that Wigan has won some major silverware, not counting the World Pie Eating Contest. ***

You probably already heard but Sir Alex Ferguson has retired as the manager of Manchester United. Fergie won 13 league titles with the Red Devils and the Champions League twice. United have replaced the wee angry Scotsman who never smiles with David Moyes, who is a wee angry Scotsman who never smiles. Apparently after Moyes finishes his time managing the club the next in line is Groundskeeper Willie.
The media have talked about Sir Alex’s achievements but the reason for his retirement is pretty obvious, he was clearly petrified of taking on Ange Postecoglou and the A-League All Stars in July. Understandable.

Staying in England and the Championship play-offs have begun – those vying for a spot in the Premier League next year are Brighton, Crystal Palace, Watford and Leicester. Well Leicester was in the running, but not anymore. They cocked it up royally! In one of the most dramatic ends to a match in recent history, Leicester had a penalty awarded to them in injury time, but it was saved. Watford then ran the ball up the other end and scored the actual winner, all within 20 seconds. Brighton and Crystal Palace play off tomorrow morning Australian time – can they match the drama? Not likely, the first leg ended as a 0-0 snorefest.
***[Not a cheap joke, factually correct, seriously, google it.]

No matter how bad you’re day is going, take a moment to be grateful that you are not this Slovenian goalkeeper –

February 20, 2012

Feb 20th, 2012

You read it here first! [Provided you didn’t read any other football media] Glasgow Rangers Football Club are in administration! The penniless club owe, amongst others, Her Majesty’s Revenue & Customs over 9 million pounds in unpaid VAT and other taxes. Not to mention another possible 75 million pounds depending on the outcome of a court case due to be ruled on in the coming weeks. This has caused celebrations for supporters of rival clubs and a variety of emotions for the Rangers fans, from stoic resolve to blatant rage. On Saturday the Glasgow club played their first match since going into administration at home against Kilmarnock. The rallying cry from manager Ally McCoist was “We don’t do walking way”. This was proven false as the majority of fans left when Kilmarnock took a 1-0 lead in the first half.

Although not quite as bad as it was for Rangers, it was a pretty awful week for Arsenal. The North London giants were thrashed in the Champions League 4-0 by AC Milan, and then the Gunners were bundled out of the FA Cup by Sunderland. Manager Arsene Wenger has been told he will ‘never be sacked’ as coach, but since Arsenal’s most famous fan, Queen Elizabeth, is celebrating her diamond jubilee this year, she may wish to celebrate by the traditional way – by executing a few Frenchies. Stay tuned…

Keeping with royal football fans – Prince Charles this week revealed himself as a Burnley fan. This didn’t help the Championship side as they lost 1-0 to Reading, a team ironically nicknamed ‘The Royals’. Prince William is an Aston Villa fan, and Harry is an Arsenal fan, although he prefers rugby, like his father James Hewitt. It was a bad week for almost all the celeb owned teams in England. Delia Smith’s Norwich were defeated by Leicester; Elton John’s Watford lost on the weekend to Crystal Palace but Robbie Williams’ Port Vale enjoyed a 2-1 win over Gillingham.

Gold Coast United are seemingly at death’s door after their chairman Clive Palmer admitted he doesn’t even like soccer. Coach Miron Bleiberg has quit the club following internal turmoil. The high turnover rate of players is blamed mostly on Palmer who is a weapons grade dickhead, offering only one year contracts, timeshares and Dreamworld tickets as payment.

This happened a few weeks back but due to technological incompetence I can only publish it now – Chelsea misspelling their own website.

Goal of the week –

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