Danny's Football Bluff

March 5, 2012

March 5th, 2012

There was a particularly ‘Old West’ feel to the Tyne-Ware Derby last night between Newcastle & Sunderland. The Black Cats took the lead in the first half when Mike WIlliamson threw Michael Turner to the ground as if he was trying to slide the Sunderland player right across the saloon bar and get his head to land in a spittoon. Nicklaus Bendtner, wearing a face mask reminiscent of the Lone Ranger, converted the penalty easily. Then the brawling continued, Stephane Sessegnon was sent off for elbowing Cheik Tiote and at this stage there had been more cards than shots on goal. The cavalry came for Newcastle in injury time when Shola Ameobi equalized. Leaving the agitated Sunderland team to ride off into the miserable overcast.

The bigger news to come out of England was the sacking of manager Andre Villas-Boas by Chelsea. Since 2007 when Jose Mourinho left in controversial circumstances the Blues have gone through five managers, including some of the greatest football minds on the planet. Luiz Felipe Scolari – a World Cup winner, Guus Hiddink – deadset legend, Carlo Ancelotti – two time Champions League winner who took Chelsea to the Premier League & FA Cup double two seasons ago, and Villas-Boas himself is the youngest manager to ever win the Europa League. Quite simply – Chelsea are going through the footballing elite so quickly they’re running out of people to hire and fire. And who would want the job? You’d need someone who is part evil genius and part delusional egomaniac – so naturally Mourinho once again is the favourite.

Speaking of delusional egomaniacs – Clive Palmer started his own football association last week, with rumours he would like to start a rival competition to the A-League. The situation was summed up perfectly by comedian Adam Rozenbach “I bet Gold Coast United win the premiership in the Gold Coast United Football League”
Follow Rozie on twitter – @arozenbachs

FIFA announced it will trial goal line technology at the Club World Cup in Japan this year, bringing the sport up to date with the late 20th century. Next they’ll be clamping down on players diving and high level corruption… these reforms are due to take place in late 2082.

If you’re feeling down about your team’s disappointing season, cheer up; at least you don’t support South African Side ‘Powerlines’ who were beaten 24-0 in the Nedbank Cup. The Powerlines manager was quoted as saying, “This is an embarrassing day, but at least we’re not owned by Clive Palmer”

Goal of the week –

February 27, 2012

27th February, 2012

Liverpool claimed its first piece of silverware in six years overnight when they defeated Cardiff City to claim the Carling Cup, sometimes called the League Cup, more accurately called the least-important cup. The match started well, with the Reds’ Glen Johnson firing a cracking shot off the crossbar in the third minute and then Joe Mason, with a nifty run beating the offside trap, gave Cardiff City the lead after eighteen minutes. From that moment on it became a titanic arm wrestle to see who could make the most howling errors. Shots sprayed wide, players passed directly to their opponents, this was slapstick football. Dirk Kuyt accidentally gave Liverpool the lead when he tripped on a deceptively flat piece of grass and the ball bounced from his foot into the net. With seconds remaining though Cardiff City equalized by falling for a classic nobody-touch-the-ball-when-defending-a-corner manoeuvre executed brilliantly by the Reds. In the deciding penalty shoot out, Cardiff proved they were more committed to their trophy drought, and duly aimed for the crowd, giving the Scousers the win.

This next story is not for the romantics. For years Arsenal have dominated the North London Derby and their arch rivals Tottenham have played second fiddle for the best part of forever. Last night though, a change was in the air. Hotspur are having a fantastic season under Harry Redknapp and Arsenal are going from crisis to crisis. The match was running to script with Tottenham taking a 2-0 lead in the first half. Then, depending on your allegiances, the worst capitulation in the history of the game occurred or the most groin grabbingly delicious comeback happened. Arsenal piled on five unanswered goals and broke the hearts and souls of the Spurs. Wenger completely out-coached Redknapp, and as an Australian with Irish heritage I proclaim – HARRY FOR ENGLAND!

The Gold Coast United owner Clive Palmer vs the FFA saga continued this week with both parties mudslinging through the media. United broke A-League rules when they covered their sponsors logo with the words FREEDOM OF SPEECH. Presumably Palmer feels he is being stifled. The richest man in Queensland who is a life member and former spokesman for the Liberal-National Party, who capped attendances at GCU matches at 2,000 to save money is being hard done by and apparently having his human rights violated. As we said last week – Weapons Grade Dickhead.

NB – If next week GCU play with their shirt sponsor covered with the phrase RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS then all is forgiven Clive you comedy genius.

In Italy the battle for the Serie A has heated right up with the top two sides AC Milan & Juventus playing out a controversial 1-1 draw at the San Siro. Both sides had perfectly legal goals disallowed and the gap at the top of the table is only one point. Tensions may rise between the two sets of fans, and somewhere in Milan or Turin, we would be set for the most well-dressed fan brawl the world has ever seen.

This Wednesday Australia takes on the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia in a World Cup Qualifier. The Socceroos have already progressed to the next round so this blogger is expecting a light hearted atmosphere at Melbourne’s AAMI Park. Am already working on some chants about how women can vote and drive cars.

Goal of the Week – Cristiano Ronaldo

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