Danny's Football Bluff

December 19, 2011

December 19th 2011

Adelaide United has replaced beleaguered coach Rini Coolen with their prodigal son John Kosmina. Club chairman Greg Griffin said Kosmina was perfect for the job as he is a “passionate South Australian”. The Reds will now presumably begin a new training regime in keeping with this ‘passionate South Australian’ campaign; running laps of the Veale Gardens, only drinking Farmer’s Union Iced Coffees and most importantly, not doing anything for eleven months of the year.

The round of sixteen draw for the UEFA Champions League happened on Friday. The most exciting encounter is easily AC Milan v Arsenal. Cypriot minnows Apoel Nicosia have been drawn against Lyon. The Europa round of thirty two has some exciting clashes as well with Manchester City taking on Porto and Manchester United meeting Ajax. However Salzburg v Metalist Kharkiv has failed to excite punters.

Manchester United may be reinstated to the Champions League due to a furore between UEFA and the Swiss FA. In a nutshell Swiss Club Sion illegally signed a player in 2009 which led to them having a transfer ban imposed on them which they dutifully ignored. This has escalated to the point where all Swiss clubs may be expelled from European competition, meaning FC Basel would forfeit their position in the last sixteen of the champion’s league, Basel’s spot could be taken by the next best team in their group, Manchester United. Confused? Fair enough, but are you interested enough to do more research? Yep, didn’t think so. Carry on.

Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli has allegedly has driven around Manchester dressed as Santa giving people twenty pound notes. Other rumours about the Italian star have included that he’s punched teammate Micah Richards at training, threw a dart at another teammate, is allergic to grass, set off fireworks in his toilet, paid 1000 pounds for a copy of the big issue and cannot sexually climax without yodelling. [I’ve made one of those up, you decide which one]

Brisbane Roar have lost their fourth match on the trot, confirming this blog’s theory that their unbeaten run was made with the aid of a soul-selling deal with Satan. The dark prince is now claiming his due and we expect Ange Postecoglou to slowly morph into some kind of donkey like creature over the rest of the season.

Goal of the week [51 seconds in]

Save of the week

November 6, 2011

Monday 7th November

A League – Melbourne Victory had two men sent off in the first half hour in their epic clash with Brisbane Roar, including their fill-in keeper Ante Covic, meaning the home side had to use their third choice keeper Lawrence Thomas, who up until that moment most fans had assumed was a visiting Dandenong High School student on work experience. With two extra players on the pitch, Brisbane dominated possession but were polite enough to keep actual shooting to a minimum. The match ended 2-2, Thomas earning his daily $5 paycheck

EPL – Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson celebrated 25 years in charge of the Red Devils on Saturday with a 1-0 win over Sunderland. Before the match, in a suprise to Ferguson, it was revealed that the North Stand at Old Trafford has been renamed the Sir Alex Ferguson stand. Fergie was clearly overwhelmed by the adulation, and stopped chewing gum for a record three seconds.

Champions League – With Barcelona, AC Milan and Real Madrid already qualified for the next round and Chelsea, Arsenal and Manchester United not far behind them, the Champions League is taking on a very predictable shape this year, with the exception of Group G where recent Europa winners Porto and Zenit St Petersburg are being led by Cypriot minnow Apoel FC.  This is a team whose most recent silverware was winning the 2010 Cypriot Supercup, which sounds logical until you realise that the Cypriot Supercup is actually a basketball competition.

Iran – Two footballers may face 74 lashes each after one’s  hand touched the other’s arse during goal celebrations. The two Persepolis FC players are accused of “Violating Public Chastity”. Adelaide United fans have petitioned heavily for Kevin Muscat to be  drafted to the Tehran side.

English Championship – Roy Keane is replacing Sven-Goran Erikkson the manager of Leicester City continuing the club’s heroic policy of signing managers who have not tasted any success in over a decade, Goran-Erikkson narrowly beat out Kim Beazley and the cast of The Renovators.

Goal of the Week –

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