Danny's Football Bluff

December 9, 2013

December 9th, 2013

Filed under: Weekly Wraps — Tags: , , , , , , — dannymcginlay @ 12:43 pm

All talk this weekend has been about how Australia has been drawn in the World Cup’s “Group of Death”. Lazy journalists say this every tournament so they’ll be relieved that this time it’s actually true. Australia will have to play Champions Spain, runners up Netherlands and the technically gifted Chile. Are we effed? Yeah pretty much, but if you want some optimism here you go –
1. Everyone will underestimate us. This is ideal for the Socceroos, we play our best football when we’ve been written off. See the entire 2006 World Cup campaign, plus our defeat of Serbia in the 2010 tournament. For more examples of underdogs prevailing, see any Disney film ever made.
2. Ange Postecoglou is a properly brilliant coach. He can make mediocre players do amazing things. The bigger the stage, the better his troops perform.
3. Alphabetically we win the group. Sadly not the whole tournament [stupid Algeria] but coming runners up is great for the game in this country.
4. Actually now that I think about it. We have two Disney style storylines happening in our squad. We have the young kids who nobody really believes in [Rogic, Kruse etc] who are like The Mighty Ducks, but also the old guard [Neill, Cahill, Bresciano] coming together for one last heist – like The Wild Bunch or Space Cowboys if you’re young. If we can just find some sort of talking animal, this World Cup is ours!

In other brief news – Manchester United lost at home again! This time to Newcastle. It’s looking like a very real possibility that the Red Devils may not even qualify for the Champions League. They’re 13 points adrift of league leaders Arsenal and three games behind rivals Liverpool & Man City. Coach David Moyes has remained on cliché, pleading with fans to “Keep the Faith” and that “There’s light at the end of the tunnel”. Sadly for Moyes the only cliché he’ll be saying at his next job might be “Big Issue”

In Major League Soccer – two of the most optimistically named American teams played off for the MLS Cup last night. Sporting Kansas City thrilled fans of Portuguese-Midwest sports franchises by defeating Real Salt Lake City in a penalty shoot out. Although this result has devastated Morman Spaniards worldwide, there’s always next year, or as they say in Salt Lake City – tomorrow is a latter day.

Goal of the Week comes from Groundskeeper Willie’s team – Aberdeen!

April 16, 2012

April 16th, 2012

Two epic FA Cup Semi Finals were played at Wembley Stadium over the weekend. On Saturday Liverpool defeated their local rivals Everton. The meeting of the Merseyside teams is often referred to as “The Friendly Derby” due to the fact that fans can sit alongside each other without incident. This was taken to a whole new level on Saturday when Jamie Carragher kicked the ball into opponent Tim Cahill which gave Nikica Jelavic an open goal. The Blues returned the favour in the second half when Sylvain Distin politely crossed the ball to Luis Suarez, who slotted home the equaliser. Suarez immediately sterilized his foot because the ball had been touched by a black man. The winner was headed home by Andy Carroll in the 87th minute after missing three easy shots on goal, making his 35 million pound price tag still nowhere near worth it.

The Reds will meet Chelsea in the FA Cup final after the Blues demolished Tottenham Hotspur 5-1 in Sunday’s Semi Final. Chelsea were so completely dominant they were scoring goals without the ball even crossing the white line. Juan Mata kicked the ball into a ‘clutch of prone bodies’ [exact wording from the Guardian so apparently this baffling selection of words is accurate] and the referee, who did not have a clear view of the action, claimed it as a goal. Cue the inevitable call for goal line technology from the wronged club and complete silence from FIFA.

There was shock in the A-League when the Newcastle Jet’s owners handedtheir club’s licence back to the FFA. The FFA responding with a very clear “no givsies backsies!” and running away. Jets owner Nathan Tinkler was much maligned this week and what little sympathy is left for the mining magnate should dry up with Craig Foster supporting Tinkler in his newspaper column yesterday. This is the death knell for any logical person to support a cause in Australian Football.

In the other, less interesting competition that’s happening in Australian Soccer at the moment, the A-League Finals, Perth Glory upset the Central Coast Mariners in the preliminary final. Setting up a Grand Final between Brisbane and Perth, the A-League’s oldest clubs. Brisbane Roar began life as Hollandia Inala Soccer Club in 1957 and Perth Glory began in 1996 as Not The Eagles Or The Dockers So Who Gives A Fuck Wogball Club.

There’s excitement that Manchester City may snatch the English Premier League. But it’s misguided. They won’t. United have this wrapped up.

Goal of the week –

November 28, 2011

November 28th, 2011

This week’s Football Bluff comes to you with a bit of a sore head. In the interests of transparency I should admit I am a Melbourne Victory fan, and in Europe my team is Celtic. This weekend I saw Victory win their first home match of the year (including Harry Kewell score his first goal), and combined with Celtic’s 5-0 demolition of St Mirren and Kilmarnock upsetting Rangers, there were a few beers had last night! However – onto the Bluff!

Interesting weekend in the EPL with six of the top eight teams dropping points. Alex Ferguson took his 1-1 draw with Newcastle in typical good grace, “It was an absolute travesty! I don’t think anyone in the ground apart from the assistant thought it was a penalty, but he then let the linesman overrule him! The problem is assistant referees are not full time, even if referees are. I could not understand the decision at all. It was a terrible decision, two years ago a decision like that cost us the league…” At this point the media backed away slowly and avoided eye contact. It is presumed that Ferguson is still on this tirade, Manchester United hopes he will have stopped in time for Wednesday’s Carling Cup clash with Crystal Palace.

American Samoa, the lowest ranked of the 204 members of FIFA, have won their first ever match defeating Tonga 2-1. This brings the Polynesian team’s goal difference in all matches to a much more respectable minus 272.

The Olyroos hopes of qualifying for London 2012 took a hit when they were held to a scoreless draw by Uzbekistan. Manager Aurelio Vidmar blamed a lack of finesse in front of goal, however the fact that the players were constantly stopping play to ask “No really, is soccer actually part of the Olympics now?” was more of a factor.

English/Nigerian winger Sone Aluko has broken new ground in the world of transfers. Aluko completed his transfer from Aberdeen to Rangers by paying his own transfer fee! The 22 year old forked out 150,000 pounds from his own pocket to help him make his dream move. In light of this cash-strapped Portsmouth have signed Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg and the Sultan of Brunei on the off chance they will make similar moves.

Goal of the week goes to Real Sociedad defender Inigo Martinez. Who has scored an amazing injury time winner from the half way line!

This is even more incredible due to the fact that this is the second time he’s done it this season! Martinez is famous in Spain for these sort of arsey goals, sadly the only time he’s done it at international level, he did it into his own goal!

November 14, 2011

November 14th, 2011

Filed under: Weekly Wraps — Tags: , , , , , , , , , — dannymcginlay @ 2:58 pm

Australia suffered a major setback on the road to the 2014 World Cup in Brazil, with a shock 1-0 defeat to Oman. The only thing more embarrassing for Australia’s football community was the pathetic effort by the nation’s sub-editors, not one major paper ran the headline O-MAN WE LOST! Tuesday presents a chance for redemption when the Socceroos take on Thailand, with fans expecting a “Thai-tanic Victory”.

In Europe the places for the 2012 Euro are close to being filled. Denmark, England, France, Germany, Greece, Italy, Netherlands, Poland, Russia, Spain, Sweden and Ukraine having already qualified, with Ireland, Croatia, Portugal and the Czech Republic looking most likely to make up the remaining spots. For the record the teams that have come dead last are Andorra and San Marino, or if you want to know which real country came last it was Malta. Stick that in your falcons!*

Reigning European and World Champions Spain were defeated by England in a friendly match at Wembley on Saturday night. Frank Lampard scored the winning goal with his face in the 49th minute. The English press have gone into meltdown, declaring that England are now favourites to win Euro 2012, the World Cup in 2014 and the next five Gold Logies.

In the A-League, the majority of clubs have suffered disappointing seasons so far. Adelaide, Perth, both Melbourne teams… pretty much everyone except Brisbane have frustrated their fans so far, leading to much bemoaning of the quality of the A-League. For a bit of perspective, please enjoy this comedy of errors from the Romanian league.

And at least our players are not as stupid as this – Aberdeen’s Darren Mackie was selected as a “Reading Champion” by a local school, only to admit in his opening statement that he doesn’t read books…
http://www.meldrum-pri.aberdeenshire.sch.uk/page47.html

Thanks to Stobes from Adelaide United’s red Army for the find. By the way he’s in a band called ‘Aaagh Cobras!’ their website is here:
http://www.reverbnation.com/aaaghcobras

Goal of the week – Kenny Miller

*Danny apologizes to any Maltese people offended by this comment and promises to donate money to a Maltese charity. Or buy a packet of Maltesers.

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