7th April, 2014

The A-League has one week left of the regular season. In a league of 10 teams it is a bit daft to have 6 finals places but that’s what we have. I’ll do my best explain the best and worst case scenarios for all the clubs.

Brisbane Roar – Guaranteed a week off and a place in the semi finals, no matter what else happens. So their situation is as dull as their defence tactics.

Western Sydney Wanderers – If they beat Melbourne Heart they will secure 2nd place and a week’s rest. If they lose and Victory, Mariners, Adelaide and Sydney all win they could drop down to 6th. Pretty insane, huh?

Central Coast Mariners – Similar to the Wanderers, if they win and the Wanderers don’t that’s 2nd place stitched up for them! If they lose and Victory, Adelaide and Sydney all win they could drop to 6th.

Adelaide United – Could finish second if the results go their way… actually this is getting repetitive. Now that I think about it all the teams could finish 2nd and 6th. Newcastle could sneak into 6th if they slaughter Adelaide and Sydney loses to Perth. But that’s probably unlikely.

This is one of the most exciting season finishes in A-League history. The mainstream media might even report on it, unless of course James Hird gets a haircut then obviously that takes precedence.

Here’s how the A-League Finals work.
Week One – Elimination Finals
3rd v 6th, 4th v 5th,
1st and 2nd get a week off.
Week Two
1st vs winners of one of the Elimination Finals
2nd vs the other winner
Week Three
Grand Final
Good luck to your team! Unless of course your team is Brisbane, Western Sydney, Central Coast, Adelaide or Sydney. Then I hope you lose.

Things in England are equally exciting! Each team has about five matches left and it’s down to a three horse race! Liverpool, Chelsea and Manchester City. Next Sunday, 10.30pm Eastern Australian time is what could be the title decider – Liverpool v Manchester City. I try to avoid hyperbole [even thought I am better at hyperbole than everyone else in the world!] but this is the biggest match of the year!
Which means it will probably be a disappointing 0-0 draw.

But the greatest 0-0 draw in the history of the universe!

Goal of the Week

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March 25th, 2013

In the A-League it’s all boiling down to the final week to see who will be in the finals. At time of writing Western Sydney Wanderers, Central Coast Mariners, Melbourne Victory and Adelaide United are all locked into the top four spots, but the final two spots could go to Brisbane, Sydney, Perth or Newcastle. The big question remains – with AFL starting next week will the A-League get any media coverage? People are doubtful but if the FFA goes with my idea of a releasing an Emu in a woollen hat mid match, we may get on Sports Tonight’s play of the day.

All week World Cup Qualifiers have been played out all over the globe. Australia play traditional rivals Oman tomorrow night in Sydney of course, but what about the results you may have missed?
The most emotionally charged match of the weekend was definitely Croatia v Serbia, the first match between the two nations since the Balkan War. Flares were lit, fans clashed, arrests were made, all impressive considering no away fans were allowed into the ground. Serbia have promised the return leg will be just as firey. With all the emotion no one really noticed that Croatia won 2-0.

The emotions were just as intense at the clash of Azerbaijan v Luxembourg. Although this was not due to past political tensions but the results of the 2011 Eurovision song Contest. The post match dance off ended with five people being arrested for jazz hands related crimes.

Colombia smashed Bolivia 5-0. Which made the drug lords happy, then on edge, then tired, then angry, then horny, then listless, then STOP LOOKING AT ME!

In both footballing and financial bailout terms, Cyprus and Switzerland played out a 0-0 draw.

New Zealand saw off a plucky New Caledonia which ended with Shane Smeltz getting kicked in the face. Melbourne Victory’s assistant coach Kevin Muscat called it “The greatest moment in football history”

Paraguay and Uruguay played out an entertaining 1-1 draw to a sell out crowd, who by all accounts had a Guay Old Time! [I’m really sorry…I’ll stop now]

Goal of the Week –