May 21st, 2012

Chelsea are the champions of Europe. The Blues became the first ever London team to claim the Champions League trophy on Sunday morning Australian time. Pundits and fans alike are praising Chelsea’s amazing game plan which was to bore Bayern Munich to sleep then hope that they win on penalties. It worked beautifully! West London erupted with joy once they were roused from their slumber and told the good news.

East London is just as happy with West Ham United claiming their place in the Premier League next season by defeating Blackpool in the promotion decider. Will the Hammers have a disappointing season and be in constant fear of relegation? Or are the dreamers correct and could West Ham maybe, just maybe, finish better than ever before – in ninth place.

They’re not as happy in Turin, with Juventus finally losing their first match of the whole campaign. Sadly for them it was the final of the Coppa Italia. Napoli’s triumph is their first silverware in twenty two years. This rare loss to Juve means of course the referee has “disappeared”.

The newest A-League team has a coach, Tony Popovic will manage the Western Sydney franchise in its debut season. It has also been revealed that the team will wear red, black and white. What the club doesn’t have is a name. According to public forums the front running names for the new team are: Western Sydney Athletic, Western Sydney Wanderers, Western Sydney Strikers, Western Sydney Wolves and Western Sydney Rangers. Proving that Football in Australia still lacks even the slightest imagination.

Mind you, it’s very easy to tease people for not having come up with good names, but much harder to actually come up with a name yourself. So this blogger has done some research to see if he can help out. According to Wikipedia there are nineteen different ways to name a club – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Association_football_club_names
The way I like best is to name a club after a landmark or geographical feature. For example Nottingham Forest is named after the towns proximity to a forest, Ukrainian club Karpaty Lviv is named after the Carpathian Mountains or the Baltimore Americans are named after which country they live in. According to Wikipedia, there are many landmarks and features worthy of note in Western Sydney, so based on their evidence I present to you – The Western Sydney Westfield Shoppingtowns. You’re welcome.

This will be the last football bluff for a while due to the season being over in most nations. Thanks for reading – I will give some updates during the Euro Finals next month so keep an eye on twitter – @dannymcginlay

Goal of the week –

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May 14th, 2012

By now you would have heard that Manchester City are the champions of England. What you may not have fully realised is how closely their victory followed the script of a Mighty Ducks film. They came into the final day needing only to defeat cellar dwellers Queens Park Rangers to secure their first League Championship in forty-four years. They so nearly cocked it up. When the ninety minutes of normal playing time was up, City were down 2-1. They didn’t look like scoring, then Edin Dzeko, who will be played by Pacey from Dawson’s Creek in the inevitable telemovie, headed it truly from a corner kick to give the Blue half of Manchester hope.
At this point, Manchester United had defeated Sunderland and if things remained as they were, the Red Devils would have stolen the title from right under City’s noses. Enter Sergio Aguero [to be played by John Leguiziamo or Michael Cera, budget pending] who scored a goal that will live on in Manchester City folklore forever. The City of Manchester Stadium erupted with scenes of such relief, joy and adulation, it brought a tear to this blogger’s eye. All it needed was Emilio Estevez to learn the true meaning of friendship and it would have been perfect.

At the other end of the table, Bolton Wanderers can claim they have been well and truly shafted. Their 2-2 draw with Stoke means they are relegated to the championship next season, however both Stoke goals were highly controversial. A high ball to Bolton keeper Adam Bogdan should have been an easy catch but Stoke striker Jon Walters absolutely shirtfronted the goalie who then dropped the ball into his own net. Bolton scored two great goals and had some hope but a penalty to Stoke was awarded. According to rumour, this penalty was very controversial, so controversial in fact, that this blogger could not find footage of it online. Can anyone help a hungover amateur football writer out?

Sydney FC are expected to unveil Englishman Ian Crook as their new head coach after being knocked back by Central Coast Mariners boss Graham Arnold and Crystal Palace’s Tony Popovic. The appointment comes as a relief to fans of the Sky Blues, as the next viable option was to have the player’s Mums and Dads take turns managing the club on a weekly basis.
Goal of the week: Forgive the horrid music, but admire the blatant audacity!

May 7th, 2012

Well I’m a bit of a fuckwit aren’t I? Last night Manchester City defeated Newcastle United 2-0 to put themselves in prime position to win the English Premier League! I have said for the past six weeks that United had this title wrapped up. I have been wrong in the past – I thought Gold Coast United would be a genuine threat in the A-League and not be run by a massive dickhead – I will be wrong again in the future – I think Melbourne Victory will overcome their problems and win the league next year and not be run by incompetent dickheads. All City need to do is defeat QPR on Sunday and they win the league. United need City to lose or draw with QPR and they need to defeat Sunderland for the trophy to stay at Old Trafford. Will be an interesting day.

Chelsea defeated Liverpool 2-1 to claim the FA Cup on Sunday morning. Some interesting facts from Saturday’s game – When Ramires put the ball in the net he became the first Brazilian to ever score in an FA Cup final; Chelsea are the sixth team in a row to win the cup who wear blue, the last non-blue team to win the Cup was Liverpool in 2006, who back then were the sixth red team in a row to win the cup. The last non red or blue team to win the Cup was Tottenham in 1991. This blogger predicts this tradition will continue with a glut of Yellow teams triumphing. Norwich next year, followed by Hull, Watford, Burton Albion and then, even more unexpectedly, the Socceroos.

Juventus are the champions of Italy for the first time since 2003. The Zebras went undefeated all season, including European competition. It’s an amazing result. For a team that only six years ago were found to be bribing referees and fixing matches, to not lose an entire game for a whole year, it’s quite mind boggling. How could it happen? I cannot think how this could occur. Nothing short of amazing. Let’s think about this achievement, actually no, I’ve just received a large bag of unmarked bills so I will not think about it. I will just keep saying how amazing it is.

Here are the list of Championship winning teams for this year so far:
Portugal – FC Porto
Netherlands – Ajax
France – Paris Saint-Germaine
Germany – Borossia Dortmund
Spain – Real Madrid
Scotland – Celtic
If I’ve missed anyone out it’s because the league is even more irrelevant than the Scottish Premier League. [Notice Brisbane Roar aren’t mentioned?]

Goal of the week –