December 19th 2011

Adelaide United has replaced beleaguered coach Rini Coolen with their prodigal son John Kosmina. Club chairman Greg Griffin said Kosmina was perfect for the job as he is a “passionate South Australian”. The Reds will now presumably begin a new training regime in keeping with this ‘passionate South Australian’ campaign; running laps of the Veale Gardens, only drinking Farmer’s Union Iced Coffees and most importantly, not doing anything for eleven months of the year.

The round of sixteen draw for the UEFA Champions League happened on Friday. The most exciting encounter is easily AC Milan v Arsenal. Cypriot minnows Apoel Nicosia have been drawn against Lyon. The Europa round of thirty two has some exciting clashes as well with Manchester City taking on Porto and Manchester United meeting Ajax. However Salzburg v Metalist Kharkiv has failed to excite punters.

Manchester United may be reinstated to the Champions League due to a furore between UEFA and the Swiss FA. In a nutshell Swiss Club Sion illegally signed a player in 2009 which led to them having a transfer ban imposed on them which they dutifully ignored. This has escalated to the point where all Swiss clubs may be expelled from European competition, meaning FC Basel would forfeit their position in the last sixteen of the champion’s league, Basel’s spot could be taken by the next best team in their group, Manchester United. Confused? Fair enough, but are you interested enough to do more research? Yep, didn’t think so. Carry on.

Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli has allegedly has driven around Manchester dressed as Santa giving people twenty pound notes. Other rumours about the Italian star have included that he’s punched teammate Micah Richards at training, threw a dart at another teammate, is allergic to grass, set off fireworks in his toilet, paid 1000 pounds for a copy of the big issue and cannot sexually climax without yodelling. [I’ve made one of those up, you decide which one]

Brisbane Roar have lost their fourth match on the trot, confirming this blog’s theory that their unbeaten run was made with the aid of a soul-selling deal with Satan. The dark prince is now claiming his due and we expect Ange Postecoglou to slowly morph into some kind of donkey like creature over the rest of the season.

Goal of the week [51 seconds in]

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December 12th, 2011

Manchester United were astonishingly bundled out of the UEFA Champions League by Swiss side FC Basel. It’s the first time United have not qualified past the group stages in six years. To the delight of sub editors everywhere the headline “BASEL NOT FAWLTY” was bandied across the globe. United rebounded from the midweek ignominy by thrashing Wolverhampton 4-1.

Barcelona defeated Real Madrid in the first ‘El Classico’ of the season. Madrid were favourites moving into the match but Barca outclassed their rivals 3-1. This is despite Barca keeper Victor Valdes feeling sorry for Real and handing them a free kick at goal at the twenty second mark…

The unthinkable happened at Suncorp Stadium on Friday night with Melbourne Heart upsetting Brisbane to inflict their second straight defeat. The highlight of the match being Jonatan Germano’s goal celebration, producing a Santa hat and delighting the travelling fans. [both of them] Raises the question, what was the greatest prop related goal celebration that never occurred was? What treasures have players had hidden in their shorts and never scored?

Adelaide United and sometime Socceroos keeper Eugene Galekovic played one of the games of his life on Saturday when he kept out Melbourne Victory all but once. A European call up might not be out of the question… especially when you consider the competition is this:

What happens when oil rich Arabs take on the richest man in Russia? Find out tomorrow morning when Chelsea take on Manchester City in what pundits are calling the “Everything-that-is-wrong-with-football-today derby”

GOTW – Robin Van Persie

December 5th, 2011

The draw for the finals of Euro 2012 was revealed on Saturday morning Australian time. Inevitably the moniker “Group of Death” has been placed on Group C, with Current World & European Champions Spain, previous World Champions Italy, Croatia and Ireland. Group A has been dubbed the ‘easy’ group with Greece, Russia, Czech Republic and Poland. England fans are said to be very excited about going to Ukraine and rioting in towns they’ve not rioted in before

Any Australian wondering which team to support in Euro 2012 have a few options –
On a financial level the two countries that have invested the most in Australia are England [although that’s as part of the United Kingdom, it may be Wales doing most of the investing, I don’t care enough to properly research] and Netherlands.

Ethically, the corruptions perceptions list was released this week and the least corrupt country participating is Sweden. 2nd place is once again Netherlands.

For music lovers, Ireland should be the team of choice seeing as they have won the most Eurovision Song Contests. However this argument is null and void once you consider Brian McFadden.

On a purely superficial/objectifying level you can’t go past Ukraine. I’m not racist but… all Ukrainians are good looking. There I’ve said it. Complaints can be made in the comments section.

Back downunder and Sydney FC had the embarrassing task of playing their match against Brisbane Roar at a suburban rugby ground when the Sydney Football Stadium was booked for an Eminem concert. However this worked out in Sydney’s favour as they ended Brisbane’s unbeaten run with a 2-0 victory. The Sky Blues second goal was scored when Roar keeper Theoklitos forgot which sport he was playing and mistook a corner for a lineout. No really, look: [1.22 to go, apologies for not having a better link, if anyone has one let me know]
http://www.foxsports.com.au/football/a-league/sydney-fc-end-brisbane-roars-unbeaten-streak-with-comfortable-victory-at-win-jubilee-stadium/story-e6frf4gl-1226213551425

David Beckham’s LA Galaxy play a friendly against Melbourne Victory this Tuesday which has fans in a state of indifference. With tickets set at $50 minimum I predict this will be played in an empty stadium, giving Victory a taste of what it’s like for Melbourne Heart week in week out.

Rolling Stone Magazine has declared Real Madrid manager Jose Mourinho “Rockstar of the Year”. Can’t argue, his post match interviews are preferable to listening to Katy Perry.
Goal of the week